
To most people 20 days seems to go by really slow... to me the last 20 days have flown by. Maybe it was because I choose not to remember a few of the days after Sasha had passed... or because I have tried to occupy every waking minute so I wont think about her. I don't know what I have mentally done to make the last 20 days fly by... but tonight they all came to a dead stop. Gavin had a last minute work dinner to go to this evening, the second he told me he might have to be gone tonight I immediately knew it was going to be rough for me. This was the first night I would be home without him or her.
If anyone ever asked if Sasha was protective I would always answer with " I am sure she is in her own way, hopefully we will never have to find out." But truth be told, I think her heart would have even loved the bad guys. She never met one person she would cuddle next to or love. Even though I swore she would like anyone who broke into our house to death, it still gave me a safe feeling knowing she was here with me when I was alone with Travis. She was big and looked mean... I have always been a scardy cat, I am 28 years old and still scared of the dark (don't laugh). I hate scary movies and will steer clear of anything on tv that is remotely scary if Gavin isn't here... My imagination usually gets the best of me when I am alone at night, but when I had Sasha here with me I would make her get on the bed with me, drag her to the bathroom and bribe her with treats if I needed to go look outside or wanted her to be super close. I can still hear her huge sigh she would let out... like she was telling me I was over reacting. Funny thing is, when the alarm in the house would go off she would hide behind me... But she was still my protector.
I miss her so much... though it is getting a little easier every day, I still hear her collar noise when I walk in the door and sometimes feel her jump on the bed at night. I felt super guilty the first time I caught myself not thinking about her and the first day I didn't cry, I just thought she deserved that energy from me. I am ready to remember the good times and not the last day. I am hoping that will come sooner then later.





































































