**warning..this post is a long, somewhat serious, prob. a little scatter brained, and just all Lindsay...
I woke up this morning and realized something... I think I am going through a quarter life crisis! Maybe not quarter... could be a third or whatever! If it is a quarter life crisis that would make me living well beyond the years I would want to live... sheesh! Does this happen? If not, I just started a new trend!
For the last year all I have thought about is Travis, not that it was or is a bad thing... I ADORE my son! But, during this time, I forgot about ME! I can not tell you when the last time I had a pedicure or a drink with just a girlfriend. I have found myself questioning decisions I have made with my life. College, I should have gone off somewhere and learned to live on my own instead of sticking so close to home. I feel like I didn't do enough stuff just by myself. I never traveled alone, I never lived alone... nothing. I always had someone there to help me pick up the pieces.
This week I have had a big awakening, I have a close and very dear friend of mine that is going through a really hard time. I have been very conflicted with this... I want to be there for her so much, and have done the absolute best I can, but I cant fix her and that makes me so mad. I prefer being able to have a quick fix then a long drawn out one. I keep thinking to myself that I am just not old enough to deal with this stuff... then I giggle when I realize that I am pretty close to being 30. (few more years, but closer then I like) I have felt that she (my friend) is just to young to have to deal with what she is dealing with...Where has the time gone? It is not like I am still so young that my parents can shelter me from the "real" experiences that happen in life.
I tried to talk to my mom about all of this and she quickly said "welcome to the real world..." REAL WORLD? what happen to my dream? I marry my price charming, never have a care in the world and .. I live happily ever after?
I have found myself itching to be wild and crazy like I was before I got pregnant... But, I cant seem to allow myself to let loose at all... I mean I did see a glimpse of the "old Lindsay" last weekend at our cocktail party, when Trav spent the night with my mom! We all got a little wild and crazy and went off roading at 3 in the morning... YES, I bet you are jealous, it was a blast. But it happened once and may not again for a long time. I see all these other moms in my strollerfit class and they all seem so put together and calm, like they aren't itching to have a free night and have a blast. Is that how you are suppose to feel when you become a parent?
I think I need to get away, a girls trip, something where I can have one last crazy experience... (anyone wanna go?)